Monday, August 8, 2011
A Pity Post
I battle anxiety on a daily basis. I don't take any medication (I honestly don't think I need it at this point) and do my best to try and put things into healthy perspective by talking to friends and family, writing, exercise, and focusing on hobbies that keep me healthy and balanced. And of course by liquid happiness - a glass of wine or martini after a long day never hurt me. One of the things that has made me successful in life has also made me more jittery than I would like. I love a plan, a schedule, to know what is coming, to plan for all contingencies, and to feel like I am doing something about it. When the boat rocks I react a little quicker and with more purpose than the average person. Type A to the bone.
But we don't always have control.
One of my fears has been that something will happen to me during the day or night and that nobody would know about it or find me. That I would get hurt and that my kids would suffer because nobody would be here to take care of them. I'm not afraid of dying, I am just afraid of my kids being safe in light of it only being me. Sometimes being a grown up totally sucks. Is it rational? I don't know. I can't be the only military spouse (or any mother I suppose) to worry about that? Right? Right?
Last night I fell down the stairs. It was about 4am and I was going to make Connor his "morning" bottle. Obviously I'm not laying in my foyer knocked unconscious. But it definitely wasn't pretty and I am now the proud owner of a pinched nerve (I think?) in my neck and a large bruise on my wrist and arm. I thankfully was awake enough and had the reaction time to catch myself before I tumbled too far. OUCH! Today's run will be interesting to say the least.
I am now (seriously) wondering if I need to have my mom or sister or aunt check on me every day through a phone call or text message. The normal Jill would say, "Oh geez, that is so incredibly ridiculous and paranoid". This morning it seems like the safer thing to do for my kids. And maybe I need to set aside my pride and install a safety net where people would start to look for me if I wasn't calling or answering my phone.
What do you readers think? Should I have a system in place so that if I did get hurt they would realize it sooner rather than later? Is that paranoid? Rational? Something in between? I honestly would love to know!
But we don't always have control.
One of my fears has been that something will happen to me during the day or night and that nobody would know about it or find me. That I would get hurt and that my kids would suffer because nobody would be here to take care of them. I'm not afraid of dying, I am just afraid of my kids being safe in light of it only being me. Sometimes being a grown up totally sucks. Is it rational? I don't know. I can't be the only military spouse (or any mother I suppose) to worry about that? Right? Right?
Last night I fell down the stairs. It was about 4am and I was going to make Connor his "morning" bottle. Obviously I'm not laying in my foyer knocked unconscious. But it definitely wasn't pretty and I am now the proud owner of a pinched nerve (I think?) in my neck and a large bruise on my wrist and arm. I thankfully was awake enough and had the reaction time to catch myself before I tumbled too far. OUCH! Today's run will be interesting to say the least.
I am now (seriously) wondering if I need to have my mom or sister or aunt check on me every day through a phone call or text message. The normal Jill would say, "Oh geez, that is so incredibly ridiculous and paranoid". This morning it seems like the safer thing to do for my kids. And maybe I need to set aside my pride and install a safety net where people would start to look for me if I wasn't calling or answering my phone.
What do you readers think? Should I have a system in place so that if I did get hurt they would realize it sooner rather than later? Is that paranoid? Rational? Something in between? I honestly would love to know!
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Hi, I'm Jill!
Extrovert. Mom of two. Wife of a cute Naval Aviator. Lover of wine. When I'm not chasing my two kids around town you will find me writing, taking too many photos, and researching the ten future areas the Navy could potentially (but probably won't) PCS us. We are fish out of water, landlocked at 7,000 feet. For now.
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9 comments:
Not paranoia, Jill. For 16 long years that Catfish has been in the Navy, my parents *still call me daily when he's out of town. ;) I also tell a trusted neighbor (who has my cell phone #) if I'm going on a daytrip and what time I plan to be back. (If kids and I were in a car accident, at the least someone will know to check local hospitals for us!) It's also a help to surround yourself with retired neighbors, as no system is necessary.. If my car doesn't move all day, they're usually knocking on the door to check up on me. Hope that you're not in too much discomfort today! L
I JUST had this exact same conversation with two different military spouses. You're not crazy, that's for sure!
I don't even have kids and when Brian was deployed I had my Mom call everyday and if I wasn't able to return her call within a few hours she had the phone number of my friend Tina who had a key to our house and could check on me.
One time I didn't get back to my Mom (was in the middle of dealing with my car getting broken into and didn't want to scare her) and she "deployed" the emergency "find Bryn" beacon and Tina came over within 20 minutes to find me.
Honestly, the comfort of just knowing someone would find me was so comforting and really made me feel better. Silly poor Tina had to come over, but awesome that people cared enough to worry.
I think it is probably a GOOD idea to have something like that set up for you!
And I am a planner too a huge one, but only through LOTS of Theophostic Prayer with my women's Bible study am I better and can go through this whole "no job, unemployed, floating stage" without really much anxiety at all! (but I do still plan in my daily planner 7:30 = wake up, 7:45 - shower, 8:10 - breakfast) ;-)
- Bryn
I worry about that sometimes as well - while Clay was deployed and now that he travels 3-5 days at a time about 50% of the month. I joke that my cat is going to start eating my face while Weston climbs on top of the refrigerator...
All joking aside, I don't think having a plan in place isn't a bad thing at all. Enlist your mom and sister!
I think it's a great idea. It will give you peace of mind and hopefully lessen your anxiety. My husband leaves soon for deployment and I will definitely make sure to check in with my mom everyday. I'm clumsy to begin with and who knows what would happen with a 1, 3, and 5 year old loose in the house if I'm knocked unconscious!
I'm a bit anxious myself and as a result I definitely plan for things like this. Being mindful of your children's well being in every situation is not paranoid at all.
I'm a friend of Lori from Lori does MD-
I had the same thing happen to me when I was in Okinawa....thank God the stairway was 3 steps then a landing where you turn for the rest of the stairs....compression fracture in my back and cracked ribs and a mild concussion....was going downstairs to take something for my headache before picking up the baby....somehow i managed to crawl to the phone and call a friend!
I didn't have people check in daily, but if it worries you, DO IT. I did, however, write notes and leave them on my table if I was going somewhere odd by myself with the kids. Everyone knew I went to XYZ beach every day, but if we randomly drove to spend the day somewhere else by ourselves, I left a note with where I was and when I went.
That is absolutely NOT paranoia. I think that if:
*it would make you feel better
*it would make your hubby feel better
*it would make your family and friends feel better
Go for it. I honestly don't think its a bad idea. Even now, my parents like to hear from me every couple of days. If I don't hear from them, then I am calling them and vise versa. It's a good plan to have in place and it works both ways!
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