Saturday, February 1, 2014

9 Tips for New Military Spouses

Last year my girlfriend Sarah asked her military friends to write a letter to her beloved babysitter who was marrying an Air Force officer.  Because I love to write and am naturally long winded, I wrote a list of things I believe make me a happier wife to someone in the Navy.  It turned into a bit of a love letter to all of the wonderful people and places we have been. Mostly people.

I debated posting it here.  I obviously didn't want to post it before the wedding because Amy needed the opportunity to be surprised by the sweet gift from Sarah.  But then I wondered if my words sounded to sappy or silly or just too "gung ho" and quite honestly worried people would think I am some bubble gum wife in an apron with the "Navy Wife" license plate.  I'm not.  I'm a slightly grumpy, average cook who is currently trying really hard to be a decent wife (because I can be pretty prickly these days) during my husband's current TDY.

However, as I have adjusted to this new coast solo, I am being re-introduced to my love of "the people".  It is surreal that in an area where I can barely find the grocery store, still don't have a dry cleaner, and would literally drive off a cliff without my GPS, that I see people I know almost everywhere I go.  People I have lived in Virginia with, people I have lived in Maryland with, people who I know because we have 46 mutual friends on Facebook and are finally getting to meet face to face.  It is a huge comfort.  And surreal.  In what other kind of life do you move to a completely new area and run into several familiar faces every time you leave your house?

So anyway, I'm putting myself out there.  My letter to Amy:


Dear Amy,

We don’t know one another but in the small world of military spouse-dom you might as well be my new sister.  Or at least a fun sister-in-law.  And the fact that Sarah speaks so highly of you means that you are probably a pretty cool chick.  When she asked fellow military spouses to write to you about the life you are about to partake in, I was honored.
I’ve thought about what I would tell myself 10 years ago if I had the chance.  Like you, I married my husband fresh out of the Naval Academy.  We were 22, giddy in love, and totally and completely clueless about the adventure ahead of us.  Like you, I had grown up in one area.  My preschool friends were my high school friends.  I had never been exposed to the military lifestyle.  The acronyms like PCS, CONUS, BDU, CVW, XO, etc were completely foreign and I had no idea how they would become part of my fluent vocabulary so quickly.

As much as I promised myself that “the Navy is just my husband’s job, it is not who I am”, it is not exactly how things have turned out.  Yes, I have my own identity (own degree and Master’s degree, own career, own interests and hobbies, own friends) but I also have come to embrace the fact that the military is a lifestyle and it will become your family if you let it.  The people I know who have had the best experiences in this life have been the ones who don’t fight it too much, who let it wash over them and live in the moment with their experiences being their guide.  So without further ado, a few tips for you – the new military spouse:
1.  Go out of your way to meet people.  You will hear rumors of spouse's groups being "snobby" or you will meet people who "don't hang out with military wives".  Find out for yourself.  I can't tell you how priceless the relationships I have formed over the years have been.  Military wives make friends with ease and are always looking for more.  Your "friends list" should never be full.  There will be bad apples - that's life - but don't let those bad examples define your experience. 
2.  Continue to pursue your goals. The military will see to it that you have lots of red tape and challenges thrown in your path. PCS moves, deployments, and other random obstacles will come your way. Do not despair; growing is always a little painful and the military just adds about 50 pounds to your pack.
3.  Enjoy where you are.  There is no base out there that is "horrible". None. There are always new parks, new restaurants, a beautiful road or park, or a new person. Don't feel sorry for yourself and spend several years holed up in your house wishing you were somewhere other than Alaska or Idaho. Life is short, you have a very unique opportunity to explore the world - do it! The beauty of the military is that if you don't enjoy it, your time there is temporary.  In other words - YOLO.  (I wrote this when we were stationed in Fort Leavenworth, Kansas...  not exactly prime Navy territory!  I embraced the BBQ and sunflowers!!!)
4.  Don't take yourself too seriously. Being an officer's wife does not make you special. Be kind to everyone, help who you can, advocate for others.  Some of your best friends might be enlisted spouses, or they might be the spouse of the highest ranking officer in the area.  Just be open to friendship and be kind.  Never expect special treatment because your husband wears strips and someone else's wears chevrons.

5.  Work hard, party hard. There is a unique atmosphere to the military community that will keep you young.  Have fun!  Don't skip a ball or party because someone rolled their eyes about the latest function.  Always go and see for yourself. (that link isn't the best example because my husband was deployed, HOWEVER, I think my going to a function solo illustrates how fun some of those parties can be!)

6.  Volunteer! Get involved with your community. Working can sometimes be a tough thing to do on short tours, but you can always put your talents toward good deeds.  It is good for the soul and a great way to meet fun, sweet, generous people in new areas.

7.  It's okay to have bad days.  There will come a day where you will hate the Air Force with every fiber of your being.  It will be soul-crushing frustration and you will take it out on your husband (or your child, friend, dog, voodoo doll).  This is completely NORMAL and you have every right to feel sorry for yourself sometimes.  If possible, do not take it out on your husband. He doesn't have control over most things and projecting your feelings of hostility toward him can damage your marriage.  Communicate, of course.  But don't steamroll him with profanity when you find out the AF is sending you to Montana (and see #3).

8.  Don't blink! Everything goes by incredibly fast - even deployments! I feel like I just walked under the sword arch and was welcomed into the Navy family.  But here I sit, 10 and a half years later, two kids, 3 deployments, and 6 duty stations later and I can't believe how fast it has gone.  I have become a cliché!

9.
Homecoming almost makes deployment worth it.  Almost.  You have a choice with separations - to make the worst of them or to embrace some of the upsides.  You will have the unique opportunity to miss your husband. After several years of marriage, this can actually be refreshing. Of course, after about two or three weeks you'll be like, "okay, I miss you, come home now".  But alas, deployment isn't two or three weeks, but you will make it those 6 or 9 or 12 months.  When he returns, and you are standing on the tarmac or at the airport waiting for your husband it will be absolutely magical.

Love,
Jill






9 comments:

Fe Adamsonn said...

I always appreciate how spouses help each other and be an inspiration as well. Having a support from the people who truly understands you is very important for us to stay strong. I love this community of milspouse.

R.E. Woods said...

Well said!

Emmaline said...

Beautifully written. Thank you for your insight. I'll be marrying my Air Force academy sweetheart this June and there are plenty of things that are currently scaring the crap out of me, even though I'm so ready to begin this journey and excited for the adventure that lies ahead. It is so encouraging to know there will be people like you in our communities, ready to offer advice and encouragement. Thank you!

Kimber said...

Loved this post!
http://kimbersnavyfamily.blogspot.com/

Anonymous said...

My name is LISA, and I base in USA...My life is back!!! After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time. Thanks to a spell caster called Dr Kakuta, which i met online. On one faithful day, as I was browsing through the internet,I came across allot of testimonies about this particular spell caster. Some people testified that he brought their Ex lover back, some testified that he restores womb,cure cancer,and other sickness, some testified that he can cast a spell to stop divorce and so on. i also come across one particular testimony,it was about a woman called Sonia,she testified about how he brought back her Ex lover in less than 2 days, and at the end of her testimony she dropped Dr Kakuta's e-mail address. After reading all these,I decided to give it a try. I contacted him via email and explained my problem to him. In just 48hours, my husband came back to me. We solved our issues, and we are even happier than before Dr Kakuta, is really a gifted man and i will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man... If you have a problem and you are looking for a real and genuine spell caster to solve all your problems for you. Try High kakutaspellz@gmail.com or call +2349054872932 anytime, he might be the answer to your problems. Here's his contact: kakutaspellz@gmail.com or call +2349054872932

http://kakutaspellz.wixsite.com/kakutatemple

Anonymous said...

Thank you DR BLESSING for your genuine and powerful love spells. I'm Lilian by name. From California This is really incredible, and I have never experienced anything like this in my entire life. Before i met you Sir, i have tried every probable means that i could to get my husband back, but i actually came to realize that nothing was working out for me, and that my husband had developed lot of hatred for me.. I thought there was no hope to reunite with my husband. But when i read good reviews about how DR BLESSING helped others, I decided to Email him at blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com to give it a try and i did everything that he instructed me and i Trusted in him and followed his instructions just as he have guaranteed me in 24 hours, and that was exactly when my husband called me..Sir We are more contented now than ever. Everything looks perfect and so natural! Thank you so much Sir for your authentic and indisputable spells. here again his
contact details you too can be blessed with his work

Email; blessingspiritualtemple@gmail.com

whatsapp, +19514090694

Thanks Sir for your help.

DANIEL HIDAGO said...

TESTIMONY;
My name is Hidago Daniel. I made a promise to tell others the wonderful work of he who brought my ex girlfriend back to me. He is doctor UZOYA who is a spell doctor and was able to bring back my ex. My ex left me the very day she met her friend in my place, of which, unknowingly to her, I had nothing to do with her. She grew furious at the very sight of her friend and I was confused if she was initially mad with her. Days into weeks and weeks into months, my ex girlfriend did not speak a word to me as she went away. What was I to do? That was how i contacted doctor UZOYA on the Internet who after some procedures and progress, brought back my ex. Words are not enough to express my feelings and what doctor UZOYA has done for me. He really lifted a heavy load off my chest. To all those out there, please, don't think your situation is too primitive or too hard and complicated for anyone to understand. Contact doctor UZOYA and find joy once again, contact him on; driraborspellcaster@gmail.com also talk to him on +1(301) 909 8775

Unknown said...

Effective love spell to get lost lover back/stop divorce/save broken marriage happylovespell2@gmail.com is the best on urgent love spell casting with 100% result guarantee
Am Sai Vidhya from CA Usa my boyfriend cheated on me and asked for breakup. I don't believe at first i try to get back with him but all he told me was he’s with someone else. that he is no longer interested in marrying me at that point i was heart broken coz i love my boyfriend so much that i could not let go off him all of a sudden he left me, i really love him and never can imagine my life without him. not until i came across a powerful real spell caster Dr happy who promise me 48hours urgent love spell to get back with my boyfriend, good forty-eight {48} hours. hmm-mm, it was a good night time at 10:05pm within the days that Dr happy told me that my boyfriend will be back, at first i heard the bell rings getting close to my door i heard someone saying honey!!!, it sound familiar i opened the door and i saw my boyfriend standing and weeping in front of me. i was not surprised because its all i have been praying for him to come back home. Guess what in six days after i noticed my system and my body temperature is changed and i went to clinic for check up and the doctor told me that there is life in me which means i am pregnant i really wants to use this opportunity to thanks Dr happy so much and my lovely collage who directed me to Dr happy if you have any problem or predicament that is worse or exactly like this you have been into,i plead you to contact Dr happy for urgent love spell..
Email him now at happylovespell2@gmail.com
His blogs site... https://happylovespell2.blogspot.com.ng/
whatsapp/call...+2348133873774
Visit his Web site...http://happylovespel.webs.com/

Jessica L. Smith said...

'After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don't believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr Zuma zuk and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com or call Whatsapp him +2349055637784 you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS'

Hi, I'm Jill!

Hi, I'm Jill!
Extrovert. Mom of two. Wife of a cute Naval Aviator. Lover of wine. When I'm not chasing my two kids around town you will find me writing, taking too many photos, and researching the ten future areas the Navy could potentially (but probably won't) PCS us. We are fish out of water, landlocked at 7,000 feet. For now.

Popular Posts

Powered by Blogger.

Followers