Sunday, June 5, 2011

Weekend Dread

One of the more confusing parts of deployment is the way your life seems to flip over on itself.  And I don't mean just the little things like running the house or caring for the kids.  Weekends and holidays, the things that most families look forward to, plan for, and count down to become something else entirely.  I find myself wishing them away.  Wishing for Monday because, on Monday it isn't so glaring what I am missing.  Or what Kate and Connor are missing.  Monday is the great equalizer.  Dads and moms go back to work, the beach clears out, and routine becomes the name of the game.  I can compete with routine - heck, I can thrive on it most days.  But Saturday and Sunday are just darn depressing right now. 

On Saturday I really did feel a little bit sorry for myself.  It was a gorgeous day and I had nowhere to go.  Nobody to be with.  I took them for a long walk through our neighborhood and saw lots of dads with their kids, families outside together, dinner parties and BBQs.  And as much as I am trying (and will continue to try) and keep a positive outlook on this situation, I just had one of those sad days.  This morning I woke up to rain and was somewhat relieved because it meant I could hide in my house and not face a whole neighborhood (heck, whole region) of families going to the beach, pool, zoo, etc.

I know I have so much to be thankful for.  I am not a single mother - my husband is as involved as he can possibly be and wishes he could switch places with me.  He supports us and loves on us as best he can from where he is.  I have lots of great family and friends who I know I could call at any moment.  But I am coming to terms with the fact that there are going to be some sad times for me.  Times where I am going to feel really darn sorry for myself.  But we'll be okay and we'll make the most of the situation.  I refuse to be a hermit. And hopefully, as the holidays start piling on, I will get a more mature and weathered outlook on everything.  Right now I am still getting my sea legs and am really off balance.  Some days I feel like I can conquer the world and do anything.  And some days, like Saturday, I just want to curl up on the couch and have Monday (or maybe December?) be here when I wake up.


Ally said...

I go through the same thing. Weekends are the worse. What I have done to survive is every friday I do a search on google for things to do with kids in my area. I have found awesome stuff I never heard off. Splash parks, indoor playgrounds, museums, all kinds of stuff and usually we go in the afternoon. Somehow cabin fever only hits in the afternoon and the kids usually wakes up very happy so mornings are easier. So usually we eat or grab a yummy lunch and go. The youngest ends up napping on the way or on the stroller and the afternoon flies because its a new exciting thing.
Hang in there and I hope you start enjoying weekends just a bit :)

The Whitefields said...

I stumbled across your blog through Karen's and just have to comment how much this post really hit home. Although my husband isn't deployed right now, I have gone through them in the past and like you said, dreaded the weekends. We moved to CA and I was utterly alone, not knowing a soul. I would purposely work overtime so I didn't have to go home to an empty house. I've done the walking around the neighborhood and being envious of everyone else's glorious lives. I could have written this post word for word. It plain and simple stinks. But everyone has a right to a pity party, so don't be too hard on yourself. You have two beautiful babies to wake up to every morning, I'm sure they will keep you on your toes and put a smile on your face :)

Our Traveling Circus said...

I remember that weekend dread, Monday just couldn't come soon enough! I also remember seeing couples holding hands and doing weekend things and just feeling so lonely. It just sucks!
Glad that you're keeping busy and getting out. I hope the time passes by quickly!

sanctimomious said...

Ugh, I just wrote a huge long post, and it ate it. To sum up:

1. I feel you, and I empathize.

2. You need to consult your calendar and find a weekend among the family and friends visiting you that you are free for Poppy and I to come visit. Andrea and B as well, of course. It will at least break up one weekend! xx

Jennifer Wright said...

I just read this and thought of Memorial Day - I was able to charge through this one in a way I generally hadn't been last deployment. I say this because I can now verify - they can get better. Sadly, what this may take is... practice? Ugh.

Hi, I'm Jill!

Hi, I'm Jill!
Extrovert. Mom of two. Wife of a cute Naval Aviator. Lover of wine. When I'm not chasing my two kids around town you will find me writing, taking too many photos, and researching the ten future areas the Navy could potentially (but probably won't) PCS us. We are fish out of water, landlocked at 7,000 feet. For now.

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