Sunday, June 19, 2011

To My Better Half...

John and I took the long road to parenthood.  We chose to wait several years to try to get pregnant, and then due to some problems ended up taking several years longer to have Kate.  We experienced two losses before she was born.  By the time we had her in our arms it was surreal;  like we were dreaming.  John confided in me recently that up until she was about 18 months old he had a horrible fear that something was going to happen to her.  That she was too good to be true.  We learned the hard way that pregnancy and birth are incredibly miraculous.  Precious and fragile.  Unbelievable when everything goes perfectly, but terrifying how quickly things can derail.  Life can change in an instant.

I think that John would have been an amazing father in any circumstance.  He is loyal and loving, gentle and kind, and passionate about his family and friends.  I always tease him that he makes this face when he really loves something.  It is a subtle smile that I have learned to recognize over the past 15 years.  It looks like this:

  John and Kate (at a few days old)

Due to our difficult road, I know that he completely understands how lucky we are.  And due to the nature of his job, he knows that he has to cherish each and every minute. 

Connor came to us out of the blue.  I joke that "he fell out of the sky" when people ask about whether we "planned' (ha-ha) to have children so close in age.  To the average bystander I look like a fertile mertile.  Two kids, very close in age = "wow, your husband must just look at you and you get pregnant".  No.  Connor is our miracle.  When I found out I was pregnant with him I was in shock.  Worried, scared, happy, nervous.  John on the other hand was completely 100% excited.  He never once gave me any sense of apprehension.  He is, in the purest way, just so in love with being a father.  While I worry, he rejoices.  Kate and Connor are so lucky to have him. 

John and Connor (at a few days old)

This Father's Day is a little challenging because we don't have John to love and dote on.  I feel guilty and worry that he won't feel as appreciated as I want him to.  I can't make him breakfast, bring him coffee, let him work outside all day, or go out for a family dinner.  So I guess this post is my way to put into words how much I love and appreciate him, how I couldn't ask for a better father to my kids, and how I know that when he gets back he will do everything in his power to make up for time lost. 

Happy Father's Day, Johnny!  We love you so much!


Melissa said...

Jill, I don't cry for anything... you as my best friend know that. But for some reason, stories about daddies and their kids get me. Love to you, the munchkins and Johnny! you guys are just the best!

sanctimomious said...

Gorgeous pictures, what a lovely post.

5c0f6660-9c27-11e0-ab5c-000bcdca4d7a said...

Your fears are the fears of every parent. Children are such a blessing that we worry each day might be taken away. Thankfully, our God sees fit to give us each no more than we can take. I'll keep you, Kate, Connor and Johnny in our prayers and hope that God will keep you all in his loving arms always.

Hi, I'm Jill!

Hi, I'm Jill!
Extrovert. Mom of two. Wife of a cute Naval Aviator. Lover of wine. When I'm not chasing my two kids around town you will find me writing, taking too many photos, and researching the ten future areas the Navy could potentially (but probably won't) PCS us. We are fish out of water, landlocked at 7,000 feet. For now.

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