Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Bump
Yesterday my heart skipped a beat and then the tears started flowing. Connor, my wiggly, physical, *ready to crawl any second* little 6 month old got excited about a toy and lunged for it... right.off.the.bed. Onto our hardwood floors. Square on the forehead. While I was 3 feet away.
He screamed, I cried. He cried, I cried more. My daughter was looking at us with a concerned face and finally asked if "mommy sad". Yes, mommy was very very sad. OH THE GUILT! I have learned a little about Catholic guilt over the past few years, but mommy guilt takes the cake!
And guess what? I have a new layer of guilt. The deployed husband. You think I am joking but I'm not.
Once Connor was soothed (I was still crying, but he was totally fine), I had called the pediatrician to make sure I didn't ruin him for life, they were in bed, and I had chugged a glass of red wine, I wondered... Do I tell J? I like to think I tell him everything. And on the day where our child swan dives off the bed head first, you would think a father deserves to know, right? But it definitely wasn't the first thing I did. And I didn't whip camera out and take a picture of the goose egg above his eyebrow, either.
I just knew what would happen. First, he would worry. Worry about things he can't see or touch or feel or help with. And knowing that Connor was totally okay, I didn't want to put that worry on him. But then on the selfish side of things, I knew what he would say. He would say "hun, you can't leave him on the bed anymore". And I would think "duh". And then I would feel badly all over again.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe telling him first (well, after the pediatrician and the wine) was the right thing to do. Maybe I need to work on that. It might just be the thing to help him feel more involved. Or maybe not telling is a way to protect him from stress he doesn't need when he is already so busy and taxed with his job.
So tell me, do you tell your husbands everything bad that happens when they are deployed? Or do you try to keep things light? Or is it a combo? This guilty mama wants to know!
He screamed, I cried. He cried, I cried more. My daughter was looking at us with a concerned face and finally asked if "mommy sad". Yes, mommy was very very sad. OH THE GUILT! I have learned a little about Catholic guilt over the past few years, but mommy guilt takes the cake!
And guess what? I have a new layer of guilt. The deployed husband. You think I am joking but I'm not.
Once Connor was soothed (I was still crying, but he was totally fine), I had called the pediatrician to make sure I didn't ruin him for life, they were in bed, and I had chugged a glass of red wine, I wondered... Do I tell J? I like to think I tell him everything. And on the day where our child swan dives off the bed head first, you would think a father deserves to know, right? But it definitely wasn't the first thing I did. And I didn't whip camera out and take a picture of the goose egg above his eyebrow, either.
I just knew what would happen. First, he would worry. Worry about things he can't see or touch or feel or help with. And knowing that Connor was totally okay, I didn't want to put that worry on him. But then on the selfish side of things, I knew what he would say. He would say "hun, you can't leave him on the bed anymore". And I would think "duh". And then I would feel badly all over again.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe telling him first (well, after the pediatrician and the wine) was the right thing to do. Maybe I need to work on that. It might just be the thing to help him feel more involved. Or maybe not telling is a way to protect him from stress he doesn't need when he is already so busy and taxed with his job.
So tell me, do you tell your husbands everything bad that happens when they are deployed? Or do you try to keep things light? Or is it a combo? This guilty mama wants to know!
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Hi, I'm Jill!
Extrovert. Mom of two. Wife of a cute Naval Aviator. Lover of wine. When I'm not chasing my two kids around town you will find me writing, taking too many photos, and researching the ten future areas the Navy could potentially (but probably won't) PCS us. We are fish out of water, landlocked at 7,000 feet. For now.
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5 comments:
:( I'm glad Connor is okay. Delilah has bumped her noggin quite a few times recently, I think they are so top heavy with their heads that that's where they get most of their boo-boos.
Personally, I tell the hubby every little thing, just because I feel like I'm hiding something otherwise. I don't think it's for his benefit as much as it is for mine, I find the ritual of confession very redemptive (I would have made a great Catholic!) But I think if the roles were reversed I would want to know, I tend to grill DH, the babysitter, etc., on every little thing that happened with Delilah if I was away from her at all.
It is such a scary thing to happen - especially when parenting solo. I remember when W was three weeks old, I fell asleep while nursing him in bed and he fell off the bed! Clay was away training, I was exhausted, and could barely function. I still feel guilty about it today. You're right, the guilt is horrible.
I am glad that Connor is okay!
And I agree with FNE, I personally tell the husband everything.
Karen
I am glad he is okay. Mommy guilt is the worst even more when our dh's are deployed. I feel like while dh is away, its my job and my responsibility to keep the kids healthy and alive while he is gone and if my children get hurt, I feel like I failed at that job. While he is home mommy guilty is not that bad, but when he is gone, OMG.
I tell dh everything, but not the day it happened. I need to calm down, deal with my guilt or he will say "you should have left him in the bed" and I will be completely defensive and run my mouth and it will cause a fight. So until I deal with my guilt, come to terms I overlooked something, repeat to myself I am not perfect and that they will get hurt, and thank God for his protection of my kids while I messed up. After I done all that and calm down a bit then I tell dh. It keeps him involved, saves a lot of fighting and I can actually hear his suggestions about preventing the accident from happening, without shutting down, feeling like crap like he is blaming me.
My husband isn't deployed, but I did tell him when Aiden (also 6 months) decided to flip himself off the couch. I, too, was standing right there. In fact I was tying a baby carrier on me so I could wear him when it happened! When my husband got home I announced, "Aiden is no longer allowed on the couch!" I got a raised eye brow and a comment of how that explains the knot on the kid's head. It happens.
Our rental house went into foreclosure and i was 90 days from being homeless and our car got a flat tire and my job lost its contract so I was give 30 days notice all in one month.
I told Brian.... about two months later. After I figured out our housing situation and talked with a lawyer and it was all worked out. After the car had a brand new tire and new oil change and once I had a new job lined up and was excited for the change.
Brian has since thanked me. His deployment was triple as stressful as we had thought since it wasn't his own job, he wasn't with A single person he knew, let alone an American and said he wouldn't have had a sounding board. He would have just sit and stewed and freaked out and not slept the very precious 4 hours he was given each night to sleep.
So tell him... maybe once the bruise is gone and Connor is walking and bumps his head you can say, "it is okay, he fell off the bed months ago and was fine!"
I think it is a big problem in our current war zone that too many wives share too much, too quickly, and our men can't keep focused on their job and loose precious sleep.
But that is just me :)
Bryn
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