Wednesday, March 7, 2012

In a Stay-at-Home-Mom Rut

Today I miss my job.

I miss getting up early, getting dressed up, putting on makeup, putting my coffee in a travel mug, and taking the quiet drive in to work.  When I worked in Maryland I would drive over a huge bridge overlooking Solomon's Island and see the sun rise over the sailboats. I would get to work and catch up with my amazing co-workers.  I have always had great co-workers.  I miss them.  I miss my students.  I miss the way being a high school counselor kept me "in the loop" with young trends.  I miss being an approachable adult during a very tumultuous time for kids.  High school can be such a tough time for some teens and I made a difference.

Of course working is not all amazing.  There were hard days, unbearable days, days where I missed my daughter and wondered what I was doing wasting my time at my desk.  Days where bad things happened and I would go home with a heavy heart and need to shake it off to be there for my family.  But I love being a counselor.  And I love high school kids.  I miss it.

I miss making a contribution financially to our family.  I miss the feeling of being an independent, professional person who had a purpose in the community.  I even miss looking forward to weekends and holidays because the feeling of slippers and pajamas at 10 AM when you have worked a long work week is so sweet.

I miss adult interaction, being challenged by a difficult situation, and feeling my brain really have to think super hard over an issue.

Honestly, this isn't going to be a post with a big "BUT" involved where I go into a diatribe about why being a stay at home is better.  Because today, I am not feeling it.  It is a given that I love my children and I love spending time with them.  I am lucky that we can afford for me to stay home.  I know in my deep heart of hearts that I will never regret one solitary moment that I spend as a stay at home mom. 

But today, for this moment, I am a little sad.  I miss the professional side of myself.

7 comments:

Anna said...

Definitely have those days. I think for me it's a little more about missing the days when I was carefree and there wasn't the responsibility of taking care of someone else on my shoulders 24/7.
Yes somedays I have missed having a job and interacting with others. But I also realized that even when I was working when my son was still very little. That I was more so enjoying getting to be released from my parental responsibilities. Of course with that said once you are a parent you are one for life but I did like getting to "escape" and have someone else shoulder the burden.

Jen said...

This is a timely post. I love that I am home with Nolan, but I miss the brain exercise and social aspect ( oh and paycheck! ) I will admit I feel badly for not contributing financially, but there aren't many options here right now.

Angie said...

I understand completely what you are saying. There are days where I wish I had a job, and I had adult conversations. The last few days with my kid have been frustrating, and part of me wished she went to day care.

Cheryl Sisco said...

Jill - thanks for the different outlook. I am anxious and terrified of the day I retire and become a stay at home mom. Am I going to be able to handle the daily craziness of two young boys? Miss you guys!

laura said...

You couldn't have said it better! I have to keep reminding myself that this stay at home mom thing is just temporary and one day I will be back at work full time where I get to devote all my time, energy, and focus to my job and not feel guilty about leaving my toddler children with someone else. My best days now seem to be the ones where I get an early morning workout in, am dressed (hair and makeup) and ready to go by the time Audrey wakes up. And then we GO! Keep ourselves so busy that I do feel "accomplished" in some sort of stay at home mom way. For me, you hit the nail on the head when you said you miss the feeling of having a purpose in the community. Ding ding ding! I get so sad in the mornings when I see others leave for work, leaving to make a difference. Have you thought about volunteering a few hours a week? I'm thinking of doing this once we move and hoping that helps my sense of purpose appear. You are doing great. Just think: when you do go back to work, you will love it so much after missing it for so long, you will be the best counselor you've ever been!

Lori said...

COMPLETELY ok to miss that part of you...you recognize that you won't regret one second of it, but in the day-to-day living of it...well, there's usually some sacrifice made when choosing whether to stay at home and work with your children or work outside of the home for pay...and sometimes, those sacrifices, though gladly made, make us wistful. I don't think there are many who would disagree that there is no greater blessing than being able to stay at home while our children are little...but parenting, though joyful, is full of sacrifices and just because we choose to make them, doesn't mean what is lost as a consequence doesn't make us ache every now and then. Love to you, friend!

Anonymous said...

Your post truly spoke to me. I am not a human mom yet...have a very spoiled puppy daughter though :) However, after marrying I became, what felt to me like my husband's wife! I was no longer Miss____, who made a difference in the world by helping teenagers learn Spanish, culture and that there is life beyond high school. Many times my friends and family would question how I could handle the teenage hormones and attitudes but being around exactly that kept me alive and happy! It reminded me of my own teenage angst and how much I learned from it all.

I am excited to one day be a mother, however, being part of something larger in society has always been something I enjoy an totally understand missing that aspect of your life.

Hi, I'm Jill!

Hi, I'm Jill!
Extrovert. Mom of two. Wife of a cute Naval Aviator. Lover of wine. When I'm not chasing my two kids around town you will find me writing, taking too many photos, and researching the ten future areas the Navy could potentially (but probably won't) PCS us. We are fish out of water, landlocked at 7,000 feet. For now.

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