Whew!  I'm not sure why, but the past month has seemed to crawl by really slowly for me.  I think it is a little bit fatigue and a little bit my son's new "talents" (crawling like a madman, loving the stairs, cruising all over, trying to walk, eating everything in sight, etc) and a little bit the season.  As I have mentioned before, I absolutely love fall.  But this fall has been especially bittersweet because while I enjoy the scents and sights and fun things going on, it is extraordinarily hard to enjoy it without Johnny.  No matter how you slice it, getting around with a 2 year old and almost 1 year old is a daunting juggling act.  And trying to take them both to a pumpkin patch or fall festival alone has proven to be something that isn't very enjoyable or practical.  So my favorite season has turned into jealous season.  Jealous of all the other families who get to go to the pumpkin patch, pick apples, choose a pumpkin, and plan their family Halloween costumes.  Weekends are hard again, just like they were back in May and June.  So I feel like i am coming full circle in a way - but not necessarily in a good way.

We are getting there.  But I am a little angry at myself because my goal was not to look so far forward that I forgot to live in the present.  I think that as my life has evolved over the past 5 months (my "easy to take anywhere baby" has become a "holy crap how did you get all the way over there?" baby) and has made things a little more challenging to just get-up-and-go.  And the feeling of being trapped in my house has taken a little bit of a toll on me.

Here is my monthly recap:

The Good:

*  Still alive! (though, I'm not taking credit for the dog because she has been at my dad's for about 6 weeks)
*  I BOUGHT PLANE TICKETS TO SEE JOHN!  I finally felt comfortable enough to click the "purchase" button for a trans-Atlantic flight in late November.  I.am.so.excited. 
*  Kate is loving school.  The adjustment has been good and it has even made her more excited about the YMCA daycare. 
*  Connor loves life.  I just can't get enough of him and his joy for just plain old living.  He is smiles all day long and just wants to be part of everything.  I am very lucky to have such a fun loving little babe.

The Bad:

*  My poor mom fell and broke her left wrist very badly.  It was a compound fracture that required surgery and pins.  She has been out of work now for awhile (due to the painkillers) and it has taken a toll on her emotionally.  :(
*  Kate is still adjusting to Connor's mobility.  She is very sensitive to him being in her space - which, according to him, is the place to be.  I have to take a deep breath several times a day.  Otherwise, she would be living in the time out chair.
*  I got into a fender bender.  Nothing serious, but just "one more thing" to deal with alone.  Nobody was hurt and the car isn't that bad. 

Goals for the next month:

*  Run the Wicked 10K in late October (while pushing two kids).  We are dressing up in an "Alice in Wonderland" theme.  I'm the Queen of Hearts, Kate is Alice, and Connor is the white rabbit.  I will decorate the stroller like the mad hatter tea party and we will be running because we are "late for a very important date!" Fun times.
*  Try to snap out of the funk.
*  Enjoy planning Connor's first birthday part (which is just around the corner! ah!)
*  Try really hard not to dwell on John being gone during my favorite time of year.

So that's about it...  5 months down, 2 (please God, let them come home on time) to go!!