It is almost September and I feel like I am going to blink and open my eyes surrounded by boxes and maps pointing us toward the Midwest.  Johnny and I have lived in the Hampton Roads area for total of seven years now.  From 2003 until 2008 we experienced the area as newlyweds.  From early 2011 until now we experienced it as parents.  I like to think that we are active and always on the lookout for new things to do, interesting places to eat, and local gems.

I am a huge (HUGE) Norfolk cheerleader.  Don't even begin the typical "ohmygosh, Norfolk is so ghetto and the only place any self respecting yuppy can live is in Virginia Beach or Chesapeake" around me.  I'll cut you.  Shoot, does that make me sound like I'm from Norfolk?  I kid.  But really, I absolutely adore Norfolk and all of the charm and character this small city has to offer. 

But this isn't a post about where to live or who has the best community pool or local elementary school.  This post is my wish list for the activities I want to do before I leave.  Some are new to me, others are things that I love and want to experience at least once before we go.


1.  Visit Jockey's Ridge State Park in the Outer Banks.  We are less than two hours from OBX and this park is supposed to be beautiful.  It is also supposed to be an amazing way for toddlers to burn energy.  Win win.



2.  Go on a hay ride at Hunt Club this October.  Cute little Hunt Club has come a long way in the past 10 years.  We have visited a few times since moving back, but I really want to go on the hay ride with Kate and Connor.  I also want to see Connor in their gigantic hay pile.  I might lose him. 

3.  Go for a long run at First Landing State Park.  This will likely be a solo activity but as the weather cools I really want to drive here and enjoy their miles of trails and bridges one last time.  Cool fall air and crunchy leaves under my feet sounds divine.


4.  Take Kate and Connor to a Norfolk Tides game.  Norfolk has great minor league sports and I think that the smaller atmosphere makes for great family evenings. 

5.  Go on a date night and experience an evening of cheesy Virginia Beach Boardwalk fun.  Did you know that Virginia Beach is technically the "world's largest resort city"?  And the "boardwalk" (said in quotes because it is concrete - not wood) is over three miles long? It is a mecca of spoon-fed-fun and traditional beach kitsch.  Snow cones, huge beach-wear stores, street side magicians, seafood restaurants, over the top mini golf, and great people watching are all easily found in VA Beach.

6.  Rent a surrey and cruise down the beach.  These are hugely popular and hugely annoying.  But if you can't beat 'em, join 'em!



7.  Eat at my favorite restaurants one more time.  These include Norfolk classics like Fellini's, Baker's Crust, and No Frill Bar and Grill.  I'd also like to hit up Luna Maya, Chick's Oyster Bar, Zia Marie's, and One Fish Two Fish one more time before we head to the land of red meat and BBQ.  

8.  Explore the last few nooks and crannies of Norfolk.  I consider myself a connoisseur of Norfolk in general.  I love the old neighborhoods, classic homes, big trees, and charming shops.  Everyone is familiar with Ghent, West Ghent, and Larchmont.  But there are areas like The Freemason District, with its cobblestone streets and sweet corner shops, that I have yet to experience.  Hopefully I can go for a walk on the cobblestone streets and grab a cup of coffee at Cure before we move.



9.  Go to a football game at Old Dominion University.  We live less than a mile from this University and the football team is only a few years old.  One day this fall I would like to strap the kids in the stroller and walk to a game.   I would prefer to go to the game where they play Villanova (10/13), but I won't be picky.

10.  Watch the sun rise over the Atlantic.  If all goes as we hope, we won't be back on the east coast for several years.  I am going to miss this view. 

  

Whew! Those are my top 10 and I am exhausted just thinking about it.  Hopefully we can make the most of the next three and a half months. 

If you have any recommendations for "must sees" in the Hampton Roads area, sound off in the comments section!

John turns 32 today.  The age of 32 doesn't usually get any fanfare like 21 or 30 or 60.  But to me, 32 means something pretty special. 

Johnny and I met when I was 15 and he was 16.  We did the typical high school dating thing - curfew was 11:30, his parents didn't exactly approve of the blond stranger distracting their son from important things like homework and sports, and everyone totally expected us to break up the second we set foot on our respective college campuses.

But we didn't.  And now, on his 32nd birthday, I can officially say that I have known and loved him half his life.  I have seen him graduate from high school, college, earn his "wings of gold", deploy, graduate from Test Pilot School, hold his daughter and son for the first time, and finish his master's degree.  We have also had friends come and go, we have attended funerals together and weathered some down times.  From now on, we can say that we have had one another for the majority of our lives.  I think that it is pretty special to be able to say that in our early thirties.  I consider myself very lucky in love.

We are headed to Fort Leavenworth, Kansas this December!

A Navy family in Kansas?  On an Army base?  What the...

Dear Jill,

Next time you get the bright idea to sign up for the Mud Sand Run, just read this post and remember why you are crazy-cakes and just because you have one of those "I just drank 4 cups of coffee and can conquer the world" buzzes doesn't mean you should spend $40 to be tortured.

This past Saturday you could have grabbed your popcorn and been entertained watching me do this:

I sat in the car, arms across my chest, pouting.  Sulking.  We had just left the first get together with friends and colleagues since being back in Hampton Roads.  It was a typical affair - waterfront, jet jocks, food and beer.  But it was different.  And I was not happy.

"I am never going to one of those parties again," I said.

Ever the wise husband, John simply replied, "whatever you want, dear" and stared blankly at the road ahead.  I know that he was thinking "where the hell is my wife?!", but he didn't show it.  And for that I am grateful.

We left Norfolk back in 2008 and went to Patuxent River, Maryland.  We were DINKs, our biggest responsibility was our dog and cat (and maybe our mortgage).  But we were free spirits.  We did whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted.  Only held back by the constraints of our jobs.  I wouldn't say we were huge partiers, but we definitely embraced the carrier aviation community and it's constant "festivities".  The culture of Naval Aviation (probably all military aviation) is one full of traditions.  Men and women who are smart and serious, but daring with a dash of crazy.  I mean, you have to be a little crazy to do this.

Call the ball?  How about hand me the puke bag?
Aviators tend to be laid back, fun, and pretty much the opposite of the stereotype I held about military members before becoming a Navy wife.  My exposure to the military prior to marriage was basically "Top Gun" and "Full Metal Jacket".  An interesting dichotomy of misinformation.  (Um, hello? where is the fighter pilot beach volleyball league I was promised?)  I was expecting the military balls I attended to be full of pomp and circumstance.  I expected my husband's superiors to be very serious, want to be called sir/ma'am, and to need white gloves and pearls to meet with other wives.  Maybe I would also need my hair cut into a bob and to always cover my shoulders with a cardigan.  My calling cards would be on linen paper with navy blue engraving. 
Not so much. Not by a mile.
My first few years as a Navy wife were a huge surprise in a fantastic way.  The gals in my husband's first squadron were awesome.  We faced down deployments together and took good care of each other.  There was always something to do, always someone who knew what you were going through.  Someone to have dinner with, go dancing with, or just commiserate with.  At that point I was the biggest cheerleader on the planet for this lifestyle. 
I was sold on this life hook, line, and sinker. When I would hear military spouses start ripping each other apart I would get defensive.  Those were my friends, no, my family they were talking about. 
But then we moved.  And I experienced a wives club that wasn't as friendly, cohesive, and "kumbaya".  As my husband battled through Test Pilot School and I experienced my first taste of leaving one good job for another job, and we struggled with infertility I started to fade a bit.  The sparkle was gone and I started to feel sorry for myself.  Moving?  Long days?  New careers?  No friends?  Okay, maybe I was a little too enthusiastic those first five years in Norfolk.  Had I been the Elle Woods of Navy life?  Cheerful and clueless?
When we moved back to Norfolk in the early months of 2011 my life was entirely different.  We were no longer 27 year old DINKS.  We were 30 and had a 2 month old and an 18 month old.  Priorities had shifted and we were facing down a deployment essentially the moment we returned.  The "real Navy" was about to swallow us back up - but not in the form of ice luges and my VAW 126 wives group of old.  I was scared, I was a little bitter about leaving another great job in Pax to return right back where we started, and it was bittersweet to return to a familiar place without all of the familiar people.
Which brings me back to the pity party in the car a few months ago.  This party, this harmless and normal spring shindig where people just mindlessly socialize and catch up made me feel about an inch tall.  I felt old.  I felt unattractive and frumpy and tired.  There I was, spit up on my shoulder and in my "fat jeans" chasing my toddler around the back yard while holding my baby.  In my midst were fresh, lovely 25 year old women in their cute sun dresses and 4 inch stilettos.  I was "that old wife", the one with bags under my eyes and the inability to have a conversation because my child is about to climb the fence and dive into the water.  But it was my problem - not theirs - that I felt out of place and unwelcome.  They were doing exactly what I had done for several years.  I was just sulking.
Thankfully, things are shifting again. 
John has been back from deployment for over 8 months now. The past few weeks have been a busy flurry of parties and the annual Hawkeye ball.  I'll be honest, when I first saw our calendar for July and August I flinched.  It just looked like a lot of "mandatory fun" where I would have to chit chat and have to get dressed up in fancy attire, make sure my nails look presentable, and maybe even get my hair done.  Would I be the belle of the ball?  Or would I just be the frumpy mess of hormones I had been  just recently?
It has been a blast. 
Last Saturday we attended our first Hawkeye Ball since 2007.  It is a formal dinner crossed with a crazy after party with costumes and bands.  Once you take the uniforms off, all of the things that make military balls a little stuffy completely fades away.

Sorry I have been MIA, folks.  It has been a really crazy few weeks and I just haven't gotten a chance to sit down and write about it.  The biggest problem is that we had a leak in our den that happened to occur exactly over my netbook.  Seriously, my computer was like a sad cartoon character with a dark rain cloud riiiiiight on top of it.  The keyboard shorted out and my link to the outside world shorted out with it.  We have a computer in our office upstairs, but unless I wanted my kids dancing on the dining room table (um, for those of you who know Connor, you know I mean that literally), I don't get up there much during the day.

A few days ago a Jacksonville, North Carolina newspaper published an article about "great" jobs for military spouses.  The writer, Mabel Newsome, starts the article painting a favorable picture of military spouses.  We are more educated than the general public, we want (and in many cases need) to work, and we have a lot of powerful women on our side.  Jill Biden and Michelle Obama have been working diligently to pass common sense legislation that would make careers more portable for military spouses.  Because nursing, teaching, law, and many dozens of other careers require licenses given by the state, a PCS from Virginia to California can cause a successful and talented person's career to come to a screeching halt.  Pair that with the red tape of getting re-certified/licensed and by the time that spouse is eligible to work again, they are staring down a new set of orders.  To a new state.  With a new spool of red tape and requirements and/or tests.  Thank you, Dr. Biden and Mrs. Obama, for your efforts.This is important stuff that benefits the military family as a whole.

Back to the article.  The first few paragraphs looked promising.  Ms. Newsome was right on target.  Military spouses are valuable assets to a company.  We are educated and motivated.  We do want to work.  She sites MSEP (Military Spouse Education Partnership) and the new partnership they are developing with Fortune 500 companies to create employment opportunities for military spouses.  Careers that are portable but lucrative and that utilize the talents that so often go to waste in this lifestyle. 

Then came the list.  Ms. Newsome, with the "help" of MSEP, came up with the most insulting and archaic list of "good" careers for military spouses.  I swear I looked at my calendar to make sure I hadn't time warped back to 1962.  And I double checked that the article was indeed from Tuesday.  You can see the total list HERE. Some highlights? "Temp work", "errand runner", and my personal favorite "gift basket creator".

Seriously?

No, I mean it, SERIOUSLY?  My jaw was on the floor.  All of that drippy "military spouses are the best" and "look at these Fortune 500 companies that want their talent" culminated in a list of things that require no education and where the pay is extremely low.  Like, "let's keep these silly military spouses in the poverty zone" low.  This is what the Jacksonville News thinks as our potential?  "Great" jobs that we should look forward to doing with our "above average" educations?  Sad.

In my nine years as a military spouse I have met successful lawyers, doctors, nurses, teachers, counselors, pharmacists, CPAs, and business owners.  My mind has been blown by how creative and awesome military spouses can be at making their careers work.  I have worked professional jobs where I used my Master's degree and made great money and had awesome benefits.  It can be done.  It is done every day.  We need to make examples of these women.  This list is not the "best".  It is disgusting and unacceptable and I am angry.

The worst part of this article?  Young spouses might read this and think that this is their limit.  That it is impossible for a military spouse to actually do something that provides excellent pay and benefits.  Young women might throw their hands in the air and decide not to go to college or graduate school because, if "selling handcrafted goods online" is the best they can do, why bother with school?

Before I get inundated with emails from substitute teachers and women with etsy businesses, I want to say that there is nothing wrong with the jobs on this list.  I know many people who love selling Avon or who enjoy substitute teaching.  My problem is that this list implies that we are not worthy of a professional identity.  That the jobs that so many spouses are trained to do are out of our reach, even with the help of our FLOTUS, Fortune 500 partnerships, and MSEP.  Why is it "substitute teaching" on the list and not simply "teaching"?  Why is it "temp" on the list and not "business professional" or "consultant"?

Because there is a deep perception in the professional world that military spouses can't.  And this perception is only fueled by lists and articles like this; framed as a compliment but then ending by slapping us across the face and telling us we aren't worthy.

We want careers.  We want to have a salary and benefits that helps to build our own retirement and not be completely dependent (ha, the military's favorite word!) on our husbands.  We are not second place to our spouses because they are the ones serving, we have the right to be on the same level professionally.  We shouldn't be told to turn our evenings watching the "Food Network" into a job - we should be told to take our college educations and turn them into a career.  Young spouses should feel encouraged, not discouraged, by articles such as these.

Ms. Newsome and the Jacksonville Daily News should be ashamed of themselves.  We are so much better than this.