May 10th is Military Spouse Appreciation Day.  You will see a lot on the internet today giving thanks to the strong men and women in our nation that hold down the home front while their spouse is away.  One who move their lives and try to make a home in countless locations.  All the while trying to keep a graceful presence, a supportive and gentle demeanor, and a strong foundation for those around them.

Next month my husband and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage.  10 years of military spouse-dom.  10 years since I was welcomed into the Navy by a less-than-gentle slap on the rear.  Thank goodness for crinoline!

I have learned a lot in the past 10 years, 5 moves, and 3 deployments (not that I'm counting...).

I will admit, when I first entered this sorority of military wives I thought some of this endless stream of accolades was a little over the top.  Cheesy, indulgent, and even embarrassing.  I didn't know that my impression of this life would be completely different than the reality of  it.  Didn't realize that while moving over and over, switching jobs left and right, choosing new schools for your kids every 2 years, and saying goodbye to new friends a heartbeat after you meet them would be completely doable in the moment, that I would look back and feel my chest tighten.  That I would exhale and feel like I had held my breath for years.

It is hard work.  And yes I said it: work.  The research and planning I do to move our family seamlessly from place to place is thorough and time consuming and frustrating.  My payment is a positive transition into a nice home for my husband and children, a good school for my kids, a community of friends for me.  On a lighter note, it is buying furniture that will work in "every house", curtains that will work on "every window", cars that could theoretically be shipped to Europe, and making sure keep meticulous shot records of our pets in the event of a move to Hawaii. 

Even as I wrote one of my longest and most acutely researched papers in graduate school on military spouse career prospects I thought "this won't apply to me, I'll make it work/have more energy/more luck".  My 24 year old self had never experienced that grinding first year of work in a new place.  Learning the ropes, the people, the culture, and trying to build back a reputation from nothing.  Over and over and over.  I had never felt the pain of leaving a job that I loved with students I had grown close to and co-workers I considered close friends.  Over and over and over.

My children are still young.  I still haven't experienced watching them have to say goodbye to established friendships, sports teams, and schools.  That anticipation makes me sad, and also makes me realize how resilient and amazing military children are.  They deserve our appreciation too.

So on a day where I know many military spouses will be modest and defer to their husband or wife in uniform, pointing to them as the hero of the house and refusing to accept any accolades, I will be one to proudly proclaim my appreciation.  And accept a pat on the back.  Because after 10 years, I know that what we do as spouses is hard.  It is not typical.  And it deserves praise. 

There are pros and cons to moving every two or three years.  You don't grow roots, but you get to see a lot of new things.  You make many friends from many areas and countries, but you have to say "see you later" far too often.  And on a lighter note, you get to experience the local food and shopping scene, but you never become that "regular" that goes there for decades.

By far, one of my favorite things about the military lifestyle is living in areas long enough to explore the local culture and vibe.  I am one of those people who loves to try new restaurants, wineries, and visit small downtown areas.  You won't find me in a chain restaurant unless it is a dire circumstance (like, a road trip where even Yelp can't find me a place other than Cracker Barrel) and my husband makes me pay in cash at Wal Mart because he doesn't want any paper record of us ever shopping there.  No, not kidding.  Supporting local families and getting a quality product and a good shopping/eating experience are things we appreciate very much.  (I realize I might sound hipster or snotty and I hope I don't.  Believe me, I love Amazon Prime a little too much.)

Yesterday Johnny and I got to experience a wonderful local farm experience.  For my birthday, we bought tickets to a Wine and Cheese Appreciation event at Green Dirt Farm.  It was a pairing of farmstead cheese with the Amigoni, a local urban Kansas City winery.  And as if that wasn't enough, we happened to be seated next to a writer/reviewer from Edible Magazine.  Um, can I have her job, please?

I call myself a runner, but I know I am probably not as avid or dedicated as millions of others.  I love to run, the endorphin rush is amazing.  I love the solitude, the breathing, the music, and even the clothes.  On a crisp day I cannot think of anything more satisfying than a long run in a pretty place.

Non-runners don't really understand runners.  They don't understand why people would pay a good sum of money to hoof it 3 or 10 or 13 or 26 miles.  For most, it isn't the race itself.  It isn't the medal, or the "swag", or even the post-race beer. It is the feel of these racing events.  The people, the support, the beautiful encouragement from fellow runners and spectators.  Racing events truly are some of the most inspirational and positive places you can be.  All shapes and sizes, all athletic abilities, all nationalities coming together going one direction and pushing each other on.  The avid marathoner pushing on a first time racer.  The mom who has lost 30 pounds of baby weight and looks at that finish line with more meaning and pride than she can explain.  The sister of the cancer survivor who went from the couch to a 5k to a 1/2 Marathon and beyond in the name of her cause.  Lots of energy, moving together, helping each other.  Aside from the very elite, most are not competing with anyone but themselves.

Green grass, shorts, a nice breeze, sidewalk chalk, and a flower lei...  What more could a 3 year old ask for?

Slowly but surely the temperatures are starting to warm up.  It is still in the 30s in the morning, but by mid afternoon we are over 50 which feels rather balmy.  I, like so many others, get annoyed with constant weather complaints on Facebook.  It is like the complaining during daylight savings time.  It is what it is, it happens every year, it is cyclical, get over it, blah blah blah.  I know.  So when I whine about the weather I pretty much want to slap myself in the face.  I'm sure people have defriended me over my winter blues.  But people, this winter has been the longest of my life.  Probably because we moved in December so any time you are adjusting to a new area where you know not a soul and your kids have no friends and you are stuck in a place that isn't quite organized and it is 10 degrees outside you just want to sob.  And I did cry.  It snowed our first night in Kansas in early December and the last snow mound (dear God, please let that be the last snow mound) just melted a few days ago. It was the first time we moved where I just felt out of sorts and completely out of my element.

But as the days are getting longer and the temperatures are rising higher I am starting to feel much better.  More at home and less like the grumpy hermit I had become.  Things are looking up!  I am ready for bubbles and playgrounds and the pool and tank tops and flip flops and even complaining about humidity and mosquitos.  As I approach my 32nd birthday at the end of the month I am finally comfortable admitting that I am most comfortable in warm to hot climates with lots of sunshine.  My husband and sister (and most of my extended family who are avid skiers) always make me feel like such an outcast with my dislike of winter.  But I am embracing it.  I am a greenhouse flower and just get sad looking if the temperatures drop below 50.

So there you have it, an entire post about the weather.  Like an awkward conversation with a stranger on an elevator.  Happy Spring!

It's here! I'm officially published!


For a good portion of last year I was contracted by Blue Star Families, a wonderful non profit organization that advocates for military members and their families, to help re-write a deployment toolkit.  "The toolkit" as we came to call it over the months of research, re-writes, and edits, is a comprehensive guide for families of all branches of the service (including the Coast Guard) to prepare for, endure, and reintegrate after a deployment. 

We are all very proud of the final product and extremely happy that it has come together.  If you are a military spouse, please download the free toolkit and share it with your support groups.  It is full of checklists, resources for military families, mental health information, information about children during deployments, and even information for extended family and friends.

As I was researching and writing I was amazed at the information available to us these days, but dismayed by how hard it is to wade through and how there are a thousand websites with a few pieces of information.  Hopefully we have created the "one stop shop" for military families facing down deployment. If you check it out, we'd love your feedback!

An article written by David Wood that was published in late January  by Huffington Post has gained serious steam within the military community the past few days.  Originally titled “After Decades of Lavish Benefits, Military Personnel Fear Cuts”, then watered down to a less rage inciting "Defense Budget Faces Cuts to Personnel After Decade of War", the column has inspired many military and non-military families to speak out against inaccuracies and assumptions many civilians have about compensation in the armed forces.

I am not going to dismantle the article piece by piece.  My friend Karen at And Then We Laughed did a wonderful job at pointing out the errors and illustrating where Wood really gives away his complete and utter disconnect and ignorance about the service in general.  Making General rank in 16 years? 30% off at the commissary? Implying that the Pentagon pays for all of our housing costs when we live off base?  You gave yourself away, Mr. Wood.  It is a shame that none of the editors at HuffPo caught on.  Read Karen's article and you will see how I feel about all of this. 

Mr. Wood, (and any other misguided American citizen who was nodding or "liking" Mr. Wood's diatribe), the most lavish benefit of all? The all volunteer military force that exists in this country and has since the end of the Vietnam war. 

Knowing that your child won't be drafted into the service:  huge and lavish benefit.  Your right to go to college and not have to serve your country before entering the workforce: lavish (and somewhat controversial) benefit.  Being able to sleep at night knowing someone is standing the watch protecting you and your family, both at home and abroad: lavish benefit.  Having your husband or wife or child home for the holidays, not worrying about them being sent overseas at a moment's notice: Lavish benefit. 

I could go on and on and on.

The irony?  These cuts, these completely baseless and sloppy hack jobs that are being done to our Defense spending thanks to sequestration and congressional gridlock, are threatening the civilian benefits I listed above.  If you take away everything that makes the military even slightly lucrative then recruitment and retention plummet.  If you put families on Welfare, make them live in substandard housing, take away their education benefits, strip away retirement, make medical care expensive or non existent, then who on earth is going to stay in the military? 

The all volunteer force is a privilege that the American public has taken for granted.  Congress has also taken it for granted.  Since Mr. Wood obviously passed on the "lavish" lifestyle of being a service member, maybe his eyes will open when the benefit of choosing not to serve is taken away from him or his children.