Wednesday, March 13, 2013
The Most Lavish Benefit of All
An article written by David Wood that was published in late January by Huffington Post has gained serious steam within the military community the past few days. Originally titled “After Decades of Lavish Benefits, Military Personnel Fear Cuts”, then watered down to a less rage inciting "Defense Budget Faces Cuts to Personnel After Decade of War", the column has inspired many military and non-military families to speak out against inaccuracies and assumptions many civilians have about compensation in the armed forces.
I am not going to dismantle the article piece by piece. My friend Karen at And Then We Laughed did a wonderful job at pointing out the errors and illustrating where Wood really gives away his complete and utter disconnect and ignorance about the service in general. Making General rank in 16 years? 30% off at the commissary? Implying that the Pentagon pays for all of our housing costs when we live off base? You gave yourself away, Mr. Wood. It is a shame that none of the editors at HuffPo caught on. Read Karen's article and you will see how I feel about all of this.
Mr. Wood, (and any other misguided American citizen who was nodding or "liking" Mr. Wood's diatribe), the most lavish benefit of all? The all volunteer military force that exists in this country and has since the end of the Vietnam war.
Knowing that your child won't be drafted into the service: huge and lavish benefit. Your right to go to college and not have to serve your country before entering the workforce: lavish (and somewhat controversial) benefit. Being able to sleep at night knowing someone is standing the watch protecting you and your family, both at home and abroad: lavish benefit. Having your husband or wife or child home for the holidays, not worrying about them being sent overseas at a moment's notice: Lavish benefit.
I could go on and on and on.
The irony? These cuts, these completely baseless and sloppy hack jobs that are being done to our Defense spending thanks to sequestration and congressional gridlock, are threatening the civilian benefits I listed above. If you take away everything that makes the military even slightly lucrative then recruitment and retention plummet. If you put families on Welfare, make them live in substandard housing, take away their education benefits, strip away retirement, make medical care expensive or non existent, then who on earth is going to stay in the military?
The all volunteer force is a privilege that the American public has taken for granted. Congress has also taken it for granted. Since Mr. Wood obviously passed on the "lavish" lifestyle of being a service member, maybe his eyes will open when the benefit of choosing not to serve is taken away from him or his children.
I am not going to dismantle the article piece by piece. My friend Karen at And Then We Laughed did a wonderful job at pointing out the errors and illustrating where Wood really gives away his complete and utter disconnect and ignorance about the service in general. Making General rank in 16 years? 30% off at the commissary? Implying that the Pentagon pays for all of our housing costs when we live off base? You gave yourself away, Mr. Wood. It is a shame that none of the editors at HuffPo caught on. Read Karen's article and you will see how I feel about all of this.
Mr. Wood, (and any other misguided American citizen who was nodding or "liking" Mr. Wood's diatribe), the most lavish benefit of all? The all volunteer military force that exists in this country and has since the end of the Vietnam war.
Knowing that your child won't be drafted into the service: huge and lavish benefit. Your right to go to college and not have to serve your country before entering the workforce: lavish (and somewhat controversial) benefit. Being able to sleep at night knowing someone is standing the watch protecting you and your family, both at home and abroad: lavish benefit. Having your husband or wife or child home for the holidays, not worrying about them being sent overseas at a moment's notice: Lavish benefit.
I could go on and on and on.
The irony? These cuts, these completely baseless and sloppy hack jobs that are being done to our Defense spending thanks to sequestration and congressional gridlock, are threatening the civilian benefits I listed above. If you take away everything that makes the military even slightly lucrative then recruitment and retention plummet. If you put families on Welfare, make them live in substandard housing, take away their education benefits, strip away retirement, make medical care expensive or non existent, then who on earth is going to stay in the military?
The all volunteer force is a privilege that the American public has taken for granted. Congress has also taken it for granted. Since Mr. Wood obviously passed on the "lavish" lifestyle of being a service member, maybe his eyes will open when the benefit of choosing not to serve is taken away from him or his children.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
My Favorite Love Story
In honor of Valentine's Day I wanted to post the story of my grandparents, Stan and Jill, as written by my grandmother. They have been married for 67 years and met in England during WWII. For greatest effect, read in your very best British accent.
Marry Me, Marry Me
By: Jill Adelman (my grandmother)
In September 1944 I took the train from Holyhead, Anglesey to Braintree, Essex on a weeks leave. I was a wireless operator in the Women's Royal Naval Service. It was a sad for me going home as things were desolate in England at the time. Everyone was fed up with the war. My mother was really war weary and although her health was alright my father was suffering from cancer that would eventually take his life. I couldn't bear to see him in pain and my mother so distressed. None of my friends were around and I was bored and guilty because I was bored. It was then that I met Stan Adelman, a young American.
He was stationed at Andrew's Field just outside of Braintree. I bumped into him in a blackout outside the bank across the street from the White Hart Pub. He was with a group of guys from his squadron, the 451st Bomb Squadron flying B-26 Marauders. There were four or five of them, all laughing, handsome, and dashing in their pinks and greens, the uniform of the Army Air Corps.
Stan grabbed my shoulder and yelled, "hey fellers, look what I found!" He then asked me to have a drink with him, which I did since he was the best looking of the bunch. We talked for a couple of hours and really liked one another immediately. During the evening he said, "will you marry me?" which I took to be a joke. Very cleverly I answered, "ask me tomorrow". We met again the following evening, different pub this time, for more drinks and talk during which Stan asked me again to marry him. I again replied "ask me tomorrow!"
I forgot an important point. On our first date I noticed a signet ring on his finger with the initials SA engraved on it. "What does SA stand for?" I asked, "Sex Appeal!" he replied without hesitation.
The following evening we had another date. Stan did not appear. Oh well, I thought, too bad. He was very nice and a star in my drab existence at the time, but c'est le guerre!
The next day my leave was up and I had to return to my base in Holyhead. Back to radios, the Morse code, dreary Naval watches, and our ghastly Chief Petty Officer. Life went on. I eventually recieved a letter from Stan explaining that his base had been locked down on the night of our third date and that the squadron had been shipped out to France. Stan was flying bombing missions during that long winter off 1944-1945, and flew 53 combat missions.
On April 5, 1945 I got a sudden phone call from Stan to say he was coming to visit me in Holyhead. He had been sent to a hospital in Southport on, what the boys called "flak leave", for rest and relaxation. Well, he would have none of that, so he skipped out and found his way to Holyhead. This was amazing as it was so difficult getting around in those days as public transportation was severely limited. I went to meet him from the 1:45 train and I knew I would marry him as soon as he threw his B-4 bag on the platform. There he appeared, looking thinner but still my glamorous flyboy. We were married in June of 1945 and have been together ever since.
Stan and Jill on their wedding day
Thursday, February 7, 2013
The Unknown Fear
Nothing is more frightening than a fear you cannot name
~ Cornelia Funke, Inkheart
Yesterday afternoon the USS Truman and CVW 3 and the USS Gettysburg were surprised by the news that their deployment was postponed indefinitely. The deployment they were planning on leaving for within the next couple of days would not be happening as scheduled. Or maybe ever. Who knows really? Flag officers and politicians have PhDs in being vague and that is exactly how today's news was presented.
Vague. Gray. Full of "we want to care for the families" and "we'll be ready when they need us" but void of useful information about whether people could rest easy or not.
Most of you are probably wondering why I'm not just 100% happy about this turn of events. After all, I have many good friends on the Truman. One of my best friends has been processing the start of this deployment ever since their work-ups were accelerated last year. Another friend is due to have her first child and her husband might now be home for the birth. Those friends won't have to say a tearful goodbye on Friday. Great news, right?
Yes.
But it isn't that simple. There is also something about the way that all of this has unfolded that has left me frustrated and angry. Bitter about the Navy and uncertain about my future as a spouse of a carrier aviator. This isn't black and white. Bad and good. You cannot in one simple command shed the wet blanket that you wear as a military spouse preparing for deployment.
Preparing for a deployment is serious business. Both on the military front and on the home front. As the carriers go out to sea and work toward their operational readiness, families at home work toward emotional readiness for a deployment. Tears are shed. POAs are written. Trips home are planned. Sometimes spouses move home to their families. People give up apartments, sell cars, cancel cell phones, end relationships, and choose not to take classes for a semester or two. This is just the tip of a very very deep iceberg. Preparing for deployment is exhausting. And you run and run and run, a marathon of work-ups and ins and outs and ups and downs until you are literally chomping at the bit and saying, "honey, I love you, I will miss you, BUT LEAVE ALREADY!!!!"
Multiply this exhaustion by about 6,000 families.
I know that at least for my good friend, she was at this "get out of my house" point. She was ready to say "goodbye". Ready because, once you finally say goodbye and watch the ship pull away you can shift into deployment mode and start counting down to homecoming. It is hard for non military families to understand, but deployment is often a release; an exhale of emotion because, finally, you aren't anticipating everything so heavily. It is here. You can act. You can grieve, but you can also start doing all the things you have been planning on.
6,000 families are now being told they must continue to hold their breath.
Deployment wasn't canceled with a reassuring "don't worry, your service member will be home for you". It was taken away and replaced with the unknown. A vague postponement where they will be ready to deploy with little to no notice. Maybe. Who knows.
These families will be living on pins and needles. They likely won't be able to plan vacations. They will be nervous to sign new leases, cancel their current deployment plans and procedures, and start really planning their everyday lives the way most Americans can. Families will nervously wonder what is going on, keep their ears perked up for any information that they can glean from the "powers that be". Grasping for anything, any clue, any indication, that they will have to steel themselves for those dreaded pre-deployment weeks.
This makes me sad. Sad because, as a military spouse I already live with dozens of unknowns. I am in Kansas right now and I don't know what state or coast I will be sitting in 12 months from now. I don't know where my kids will go to school. I don't know when my husband's next deployment will happen. And now, with this development, once I do know his deployment schedule I now know that less than 48 hours before he leaves they could just pull the entire rug out from under us.
It isn't right. I know that this whole thing comes down to the one thing that runs the world: money. And I know it is completely naive of me to think that families would come first. But his kind of emotional whiplash takes a toll. It is wrong. And it is disrespectful to the service members and their families. Disrespectful of their hard work, dedication, and planning.
My girlfriends don't deserve to be living in fear of the unknown. I don't deserve to live in fear of the unknown. And service members, as brave and flexible and wonderful as they are, definitely don't deserve it.
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Saturday, February 2, 2013
Just Write
Happy Groundhog Day, friends! Apparently, Punxsutawney Phil has predicted that my 3 degree mornings won't last much longer.
I am blaming our family's disgusting illness that has left us all sneezing and wheezing and blowing our noses for the past week on my lack of updates. Sometimes I know it is better to just write - to see what comes and let a story or feeling just happen. Nothing amazing or especially funny has to happen to sit down and write, right? I guess you as the reader hope I don't just start writing tangentially until we got to some random gif or picture. You know, the kind of post where I start of writing about my kids and it concludes with a picture of Joey McIntyre.
My friend Karen over at And Then We Laughed is doing a February challenge where she has promised to grace us with her writing prowess every single day of this short month. I find that crazy. I swear, if I tried to write every day for a month you would be getting installments about dust bunnies and strange dreams where I wake up in a John Cusack movie.
I am pretty excited about this month. I am praying that it starts to warm up in this icebox that I have come to know (3 degrees in the morning almost all week. 3 DEGREES!!!!). On Monday I start a photography class with Clickin Moms. I am psyched to figure out how to shoot in manual mode on my camera. On Tuesday, my new gym is starting a new morning Zumba schedule that makes my little dancing heart happy. In two weeks I'm San Diego bound for the long weekend to see some of my besties, thaw out, and meet a special new baby. I am lucky to be surrounded by sweet new friends in Fort Leavenworth who are all very open, generous, and love wine just as much as I do. I will tip my hat to Army wives (the real life version, not the TV show) and say that I have felt very welcomed and completely regret every ounce of worry that I had about living on Post surrounded by other military spouses. Even after 10 years as a military spouse I know that I am still learning about this crazy sociological experiment that we live in.
Love this movie. If you have seen it once, you have seen it a dozen times.
I am blaming our family's disgusting illness that has left us all sneezing and wheezing and blowing our noses for the past week on my lack of updates. Sometimes I know it is better to just write - to see what comes and let a story or feeling just happen. Nothing amazing or especially funny has to happen to sit down and write, right? I guess you as the reader hope I don't just start writing tangentially until we got to some random gif or picture. You know, the kind of post where I start of writing about my kids and it concludes with a picture of Joey McIntyre.
My childhood crush. xoxo
But that is what typically happens when I write without a plan or a point or a story or a photo to inspire me. But on weeks where my nose is raw from tissues and my patience is thin because sleep is for sissies, I guess it is better to just write and enjoy the outlet for what it simply is.
My friend Karen over at And Then We Laughed is doing a February challenge where she has promised to grace us with her writing prowess every single day of this short month. I find that crazy. I swear, if I tried to write every day for a month you would be getting installments about dust bunnies and strange dreams where I wake up in a John Cusack movie.
I am pretty excited about this month. I am praying that it starts to warm up in this icebox that I have come to know (3 degrees in the morning almost all week. 3 DEGREES!!!!). On Monday I start a photography class with Clickin Moms. I am psyched to figure out how to shoot in manual mode on my camera. On Tuesday, my new gym is starting a new morning Zumba schedule that makes my little dancing heart happy. In two weeks I'm San Diego bound for the long weekend to see some of my besties, thaw out, and meet a special new baby. I am lucky to be surrounded by sweet new friends in Fort Leavenworth who are all very open, generous, and love wine just as much as I do. I will tip my hat to Army wives (the real life version, not the TV show) and say that I have felt very welcomed and completely regret every ounce of worry that I had about living on Post surrounded by other military spouses. Even after 10 years as a military spouse I know that I am still learning about this crazy sociological experiment that we live in.
Monday, January 21, 2013
10 Tips for a Great Military Homecoming
For the past nine months or so I have been working with Blue Star Families on a book that will be published very shortly. The book is a deployment toolkit of sorts and guides families and friends of military members through the stages of deployment. It is full of good information about mental health, physical health, and just fun facts, checklists, pictures, and information to get you through one of the hardest parts of being a military family. As soon as it is released, I will share with you how to get one here.
EDITED: Here it is! http://www.everyoneservesbook.com/
A few days ago Blue Star Families asked me to write one last minute checklist about military homecomings. After almost 10 years as a Navy spouse and three homecomings of my own (not to mention countless homecomings I have celebrated for my friends) I was excited to get started!
***
1. Semper Gumby - Be Flexible
Many spouses also recommend enlisting the help of a friend for homecoming. They can be your photographer, keep you company, wrangle your kids, and be there in the event of a delay. The 5 PM homecoming that was perfect for your 3 year old might turn into a 1 AM gig. In that case, your friend can take your toddler home while you wait.
10. Enjoy
As one of my military spouse friends once said, "homecoming almost makes deployment worth it. Almost".
***
What are your tips for a great homecoming? Any funny experiences or lessons you have learned over the years?
EDITED: Here it is! http://www.everyoneservesbook.com/
A few days ago Blue Star Families asked me to write one last minute checklist about military homecomings. After almost 10 years as a Navy spouse and three homecomings of my own (not to mention countless homecomings I have celebrated for my friends) I was excited to get started!
***
10
Tips for a Great Homecoming
2. Communicate
Does your service member want a big party? Does he want time with just you and your
kids? Does he want his or her parents at
homecoming? Does he want to hang at home
for a few weeks or does he want to go travel and do a special homecoming
vacation? There is truly no right or
wrong answer to these questions, the only right answer is the one that you and
your spouse decide together. Make sure
you voice your concerns and are understanding that his wishes might not be what
you were expecting.
When you relay your decisions to friends and family
make sure you present a united front.
While there is no universal answer to the question of "should we
invite the in-laws to homecoming?", it seems that relaying news that
homecoming is going to be a private affair is universally awkward.
3. Keep your Expectations Low
You have been busy the past several months. You are mom and dad, you do all the cooking,
the cleaning, the chauffeuring. You are tired. It is completely natural to want your partner
back and to resume the shared duties from before your spouse deployed. At the
same time, you might have built an image in your head of the "perfect
spouse" and have very high expectations about your knight in shining
armor.
When your spouse returns he or she will likely need a
few days to get over the jet lag, to reacclimatize, and to ease back into the pace of family
life. Give him or her that time and
space. Don't be disappointed when he
doesn't immediately resume the home improvement project he was working on
pre-deployment. Your spouse will be
ready to conquer the diapers and yard work before you know it!
4. The Outfit isn't Everything
Yes, I know you have been eyeing the perfect dress or
boots for the moment your spouse sees you for the first time in a year. But as one veteran spouse wisely noted,
"don't stress too much about the perfect outfit, he is just picturing you
naked anyway".
The most important thing is to dress for the weather
and to be comfortable. The adage of
"hurry up and wait" defines homecomings. You will be doing a lot of standing around,
possibly outside in the elements, for an unknown amount of time. Now is not the time to break in your 4 inch
heels or experiment how long you can stand around in a tube top when it is 30
degrees and windy.
5. Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
Spouses tend to get sent into a tizzy the two or three
weeks before homecoming. They have a
list a mile long that they feel needs to
be accomplished in order to foster the perfect homecoming setting. Cleaning the house to model standards, waxing
the car, landscaping the yard, organizing the office, de-cluttering the pantry,
and putting the closet back in order are just a few common tasks.
While it is understandable to want your service member
to come home to a comfortable nest, don't kill yourself over it. He or she has likely lived in a tent or in a
tiny room on a ship for the better part of a year. They are not going to notice if the car
hasn't been detailed the weekend before they get home. Choose a few things that you know will be
meaningful to you or your service member, and relax about the rest of it.
6. When it Comes to Kids, Expect the Unexpected
It is impossible to predict how a small child is going
to react at homecoming. Make sure you
and your service member have realistic expectations and are prepared for a
child to be less than thrilled. Small
children in particular might be frightened at homecomings, they are often
filled with loud noises and lots of unfamiliar faces. It may take some time for a child to get
reacquainted with their mom or dad. This
is normal and should not be cause for alarm or blame.
Because homecomings can vary in length and change
unexpectedly, pack snacks, drinks, and small toys to keep your children
occupied and happy. Consider bringing a
small gift for your service member to present to your child. Your spouse may have missed the onset of your
toddler's Buzz Lightyear obsession, but you can make him a hero by bringing a
toy, slipping it in his pocket, and allowing him to give it to your child.
7. Lean on Your Friends
There is nothing more fun than making homecoming signs
while sipping a glass of wine with a good friend. Friends can help you overcome your
pre-homecoming jitters and make sure that you have the prettiest signs out there.Many spouses also recommend enlisting the help of a friend for homecoming. They can be your photographer, keep you company, wrangle your kids, and be there in the event of a delay. The 5 PM homecoming that was perfect for your 3 year old might turn into a 1 AM gig. In that case, your friend can take your toddler home while you wait.
8. Avoid "Keeping Up With the Joneses"
Refrain from judging yourself against or comparing
yourself to, other spouses. We are not all the same, we do not have the same
needs or preferences, and our service members and children also have different
needs. Trust yourself to know what's best for your family. That may be to leave
the kids home, to wear tennis shoes, not putting up that sign outside your
house. We don't all need, or want, or are able to wear the trendiest outfit,
highest heels, most plunging neckline, bring all sorts of perfectly creative
and homecoming/Americana themed things to keep your toddler occupied, bring
your in-laws, and/or make signs at home that look like they were professionally
done. That is okay!
9. Embrace
the Awkward
You
probably have imagined your reunion countless times. It is important to
remember that the initial hug and kiss may end up being more awkward that the
movie-quality scenario you've directed in your head (complete with background
music!) throughout the deployment. And that is okay. Embrace the awkwardness of
an over-zealous hug that almost knocks down your returning service member or
the clanking of teeth during the first kiss. Laugh about your non-Hollywood
reunion - chances are, it will be a lot more interesting.
Along
those same lines, don't expect intimacy to be completely back to normal once he
carries you across the threshold. While
some couples are ready to head straight for the bedroom, others need some time
to get reacquainted and reconnected more slowly.
As one of my military spouse friends once said, "homecoming almost makes deployment worth it. Almost".
***
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Kate & The Pea
Kate is a neat freak. She is one of the only three year olds I know who will insist that her room is spotless before she will even entertain the thought of going to sleep.
You can see her little eyes scan the room for the smallest infraction such as fuzz, the lone sock, or one of Connor's little toy cars. The floor must be completely free of any of that nonsense or Kate will stay awake, staring at the ceiling, letting that little sock or tag or dust ball consume her thoughts.
(and of course, it is an excuse for John or me to stay up with her. One of her many sleep avoidance tactics)
Last night I put her to bed, sang to her, kissed her (and her butterfly stuffed animal and her rocking horse and all of the other little animals in her room that she insist get a formal "goodnight") and walked out.
15 seconds later...
"Moooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmy"
"Yes, Kate?"
"The floor! There are things on the floor"
Me. Squinting. Inspecting. Seriously completely dumbfounded. I found a tiny bit of lint. Phew.
"Is this it?"
"NO! RIGHT THERE! BY THE DOOR!"
Me. Squinting, inspecting, on my hands and knees, literally my nose at floor level. I am thinking about how incredibly ridiculous I look.
"Kate, honey, your room is spotless there is nothing on the floor that I can see. Go to sleep, honey"
She sits up, crosses her arms, and points to the corner of the door frame.
"RIGHT THERE, MOMMY!"
And then I see it. A pea. A freaking pea from dinner that must have hitched a ride to her room on her clothes or something. Literally 15 feet away from her in a dark room and she notices a pea. My princess couldn't sleep because of a pea.
I picked up the offending pea, threw it away, kissed her goodnight (again) and proceeded to find Johnny and tell him that he was in deep deep trouble. We are both in so much trouble.
You can see her little eyes scan the room for the smallest infraction such as fuzz, the lone sock, or one of Connor's little toy cars. The floor must be completely free of any of that nonsense or Kate will stay awake, staring at the ceiling, letting that little sock or tag or dust ball consume her thoughts.
(and of course, it is an excuse for John or me to stay up with her. One of her many sleep avoidance tactics)
Last night I put her to bed, sang to her, kissed her (and her butterfly stuffed animal and her rocking horse and all of the other little animals in her room that she insist get a formal "goodnight") and walked out.
15 seconds later...
"Moooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmy"
"Yes, Kate?"
"The floor! There are things on the floor"
Me. Squinting. Inspecting. Seriously completely dumbfounded. I found a tiny bit of lint. Phew.
"Is this it?"
"NO! RIGHT THERE! BY THE DOOR!"
Me. Squinting, inspecting, on my hands and knees, literally my nose at floor level. I am thinking about how incredibly ridiculous I look.
"Kate, honey, your room is spotless there is nothing on the floor that I can see. Go to sleep, honey"
She sits up, crosses her arms, and points to the corner of the door frame.
"RIGHT THERE, MOMMY!"
And then I see it. A pea. A freaking pea from dinner that must have hitched a ride to her room on her clothes or something. Literally 15 feet away from her in a dark room and she notices a pea. My princess couldn't sleep because of a pea.
I picked up the offending pea, threw it away, kissed her goodnight (again) and proceeded to find Johnny and tell him that he was in deep deep trouble. We are both in so much trouble.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
How Old Am I Again?
I am starting to think that the older I get, the more toddler-like I become.
I love routine more and more. Take me out of my routine and I get grumpy. I bet Johnny would tell you I have had a few tantrums in the last few weeks as we have ironed out the wrinkles in our life here in Kansas.
I want my mommy. Take me away from what is familiar and I go a little nuts. I miss my favorite people, restaurants, MY MOM (!!), and all of the things that made Virginia comfortable. I have been spoiled thus far in the Navy because I have always been within an easy drive of family. Now I'm not and. Well. Waaah!
When I don't get enough exercise, I am not fun to be around. The gym or running has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. I have always been a bit of a jock. So for the past few weeks where I hadn't figured out how I was going to get my workouts in (due to child-care challenges) I was like a toddler who had been cooped up in an apartment all day. Not pretty. Zoloft is not my drug of choice - running endorphins are. My mood changes entirely after a good long run.
I feel small. The world of the military can literally swallow you whole. They try to be family oriented (and I do believe they make an effort), but at the end of the day my little family is one in a sea of thousands. Hundreds of thousands. And I often feel like "the big Navy" doesn't give a damn about my comforts or my ability do anything without an entire spool of red tape in my way. No matter how hard I try and how loud I scream I still feel like "they" are throwing more paperwork at me and telling me there are more hoops to jump through.
This move hasn't been pretty for me. My mood is glum and I am annoyed with myself. This is not who I am. I am usually the one with a smile on my face, looking for friends, going out of my way to really find the good in places, people, things - whatever! But this new place, mixed with the cold weather, sick kids, me being homesick, not enough exercise, etc ad nauseum. You get my point. I haven't been so happy.
Thankfully, in the past week I have been working hard to cure some of these blues.
1. Kate and Connor started a music and art program together on Mondays. For the first time ever I have 2.5 hours where they are both at school together and I can get things done alone. Or have a pedicure. Whichever seems more pressing.
2. Kate is happily in her new school. She loves it and is much happier having that outlet, her little friends, and her new teacher Mrs. Jones (who, thank God, is wonderful and a good fit for my Kate).
3. I joined a gym. I was trying to figure out how to make the base gym work (they have a parent-run co-op for very limited child care) but I quickly realized it wasn't quite enough for me. And remember those spools of red tape I mentioned above? Yea. I am guessing I could get at TS clearance more easily than I could get accepted into this co-op (no joke).
4. Yesterday my mom bought plane tickets to visit me in March. Today our best friends from the DC area bought tickets to visit us. And I bought tickets to visit some of my favorite people in San Diego next month. Kansas feels isolating, but I know the people who will make it feel like home are coming soon. And that for three days in February I will get a dose of SoCal sun.
5. I am thankful for a patient, loving, devoted husband. Oh my, thank God for him. I have not been very easy to be around these past few weeks. He listens, hugs me, and ignores me when I am being totally ridiculous.
As we start getting back into our routine of school, gym, play dates, and family time I know things will start brightening up in my world. I will shed the wet blanket I have been carrying on my shoulders. I know that this stuff isn't easy, I don't think I was delusional and ever thought it was. But sometimes I don't think people are really honest about how freaking hard it is to pick up roots and move so often. To shift gears. To stay happy and healthy. To make sure your kids are thriving. To keep your marriage solvent. All of this is just weighing on me and I need to shove it off. Sometimes I read things written by military spouses and it is so bright and airy and preppy and pretty and. Ugh. Really? Like I asked when writing about the Facebook façade, I can't be the only struggling, can I?
I love routine more and more. Take me out of my routine and I get grumpy. I bet Johnny would tell you I have had a few tantrums in the last few weeks as we have ironed out the wrinkles in our life here in Kansas.
I want my mommy. Take me away from what is familiar and I go a little nuts. I miss my favorite people, restaurants, MY MOM (!!), and all of the things that made Virginia comfortable. I have been spoiled thus far in the Navy because I have always been within an easy drive of family. Now I'm not and. Well. Waaah!
When I don't get enough exercise, I am not fun to be around. The gym or running has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. I have always been a bit of a jock. So for the past few weeks where I hadn't figured out how I was going to get my workouts in (due to child-care challenges) I was like a toddler who had been cooped up in an apartment all day. Not pretty. Zoloft is not my drug of choice - running endorphins are. My mood changes entirely after a good long run.
I feel small. The world of the military can literally swallow you whole. They try to be family oriented (and I do believe they make an effort), but at the end of the day my little family is one in a sea of thousands. Hundreds of thousands. And I often feel like "the big Navy" doesn't give a damn about my comforts or my ability do anything without an entire spool of red tape in my way. No matter how hard I try and how loud I scream I still feel like "they" are throwing more paperwork at me and telling me there are more hoops to jump through.
This move hasn't been pretty for me. My mood is glum and I am annoyed with myself. This is not who I am. I am usually the one with a smile on my face, looking for friends, going out of my way to really find the good in places, people, things - whatever! But this new place, mixed with the cold weather, sick kids, me being homesick, not enough exercise, etc ad nauseum. You get my point. I haven't been so happy.
Thankfully, in the past week I have been working hard to cure some of these blues.
1. Kate and Connor started a music and art program together on Mondays. For the first time ever I have 2.5 hours where they are both at school together and I can get things done alone. Or have a pedicure. Whichever seems more pressing.
2. Kate is happily in her new school. She loves it and is much happier having that outlet, her little friends, and her new teacher Mrs. Jones (who, thank God, is wonderful and a good fit for my Kate).
3. I joined a gym. I was trying to figure out how to make the base gym work (they have a parent-run co-op for very limited child care) but I quickly realized it wasn't quite enough for me. And remember those spools of red tape I mentioned above? Yea. I am guessing I could get at TS clearance more easily than I could get accepted into this co-op (no joke).
4. Yesterday my mom bought plane tickets to visit me in March. Today our best friends from the DC area bought tickets to visit us. And I bought tickets to visit some of my favorite people in San Diego next month. Kansas feels isolating, but I know the people who will make it feel like home are coming soon. And that for three days in February I will get a dose of SoCal sun.
5. I am thankful for a patient, loving, devoted husband. Oh my, thank God for him. I have not been very easy to be around these past few weeks. He listens, hugs me, and ignores me when I am being totally ridiculous.
As we start getting back into our routine of school, gym, play dates, and family time I know things will start brightening up in my world. I will shed the wet blanket I have been carrying on my shoulders. I know that this stuff isn't easy, I don't think I was delusional and ever thought it was. But sometimes I don't think people are really honest about how freaking hard it is to pick up roots and move so often. To shift gears. To stay happy and healthy. To make sure your kids are thriving. To keep your marriage solvent. All of this is just weighing on me and I need to shove it off. Sometimes I read things written by military spouses and it is so bright and airy and preppy and pretty and. Ugh. Really? Like I asked when writing about the Facebook façade, I can't be the only struggling, can I?
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Hi, I'm Jill!
Extrovert. Mom of two. Wife of a cute Naval Aviator. Lover of wine. When I'm not chasing my two kids around town you will find me writing, taking too many photos, and researching the ten future areas the Navy could potentially (but probably won't) PCS us. We are fish out of water, landlocked at 7,000 feet. For now.
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